Aligning the Personal & the Professional
MY RECURRING NIGHTMARE
Chapter 1 / 3
Imagine a stranger’s about to harm a loved one. They’re about to do the unthinkable, but you can intervene. You can save them. All you have to do is yell. You can stop whatever’s about to happen - you just have to take decisive and strong action.
You take a big breath and yell with everything you’ve got. But nothing comes out. No matter how hard you strain, you can’t move, you can’t find your voice, you can’t help.
This was a recurring nightmare of mine.
Looking back, I know what was going on. Despite everything looking fine from the outside, I was deeply misaligned and disconnected. I know the dream was my subconscious telling me I had to save myself from myself. I was the hero, the victim, and the perpetrator all at once.
I see it so clearly now, but at the time, I was stuck.
I was stuck chasing things that our industry said were important.
I was smiling, doing all the things, meeting all the people. But none of it was authentic, and I slogged through it for over a decade. I was the walking definition of cognitive dissonance. I was afraid - of both failing and succeeding, but mostly of being authentically myself.
I thought I needed to fit into the box everybody else was working hard to fit themselves into, even though trying made me feel squished and unhappy.
ASKING BETTER QUESTIONS
Chapter 2 / 3
I was a busy mom to three daughters, a fitness instructor, a realtor, and an exhausted spouse. I was doing everything I could to keep the plates spinning and the wheels coming off. Can you relate?
The real estate industry tells us to be all things to all people, to be more and do more, and I spent years trying to live up to those absurd expectations.
Hence the recurring nightmare.
I couldn’t be more, be someone I wasn’t, nor do more than I was already trying to do.
Finally, almost against my will, I had to admit everything was out of whack. I had to accept the way things were going was simply not sustainable. I had to acknowledge that the industry wasn’t going to change, so I had to.
I wish I could say that everything got easier after that, but it got scarier.
I had opened the front door to a new construction and was responsible for making it a home. All I had were questions.
What if…?
Does it have to be this way?
What am I so scared of?
What problems do I want to be known for solving?
Who am I, really?
Once you start asking these kinds of questions, you have two choices. You can either retreat from them - back to the known, the familiar, the common. Or, you can move closer to them - toward the unknown, the unfamiliar, the unexplored.
I knew what was behind me, and I knew I couldn’t go back.
So, forward I went.
I began to evaluate what and who got my time and attention. I tried many new things and stopped doing things I’d been doing for years. I got clear on what (and who) gave me energy, and every time I had an answer, I tried to ask why.
I learned about myself. I learned I find small talk exhausting. I learned that people with a victim mindset are contagious and worth avoiding, that I value effort and integrity more than metrics, and that I’m not for everybody.
FINDING MY VOICE & MY BRAND
Chapter 3 / 3
Eventually, I made my way toward a kind of alignment I’d never felt - both in my professional life and my personal life. It wasn’t easy. Like the rest of humanity, I was pretty deaf to my unique and authentic voice. I’d spent a lot of time obsessing over my weaknesses but little considering my strengths.
I’d spent even less time thinking about how I could turn my strengths into my brand.
But that’s where I ended up, thinking about how I could transform my authentic self into an authentic brand. Finally, after many months in a sort of discovery phase, it was time to put what I was finding to the test in my business.
For me, health, personal development, and clarity were the core values that continued to come to the surface. How do they help my real estate business? You wouldn’t think they would.
But they have everything to do with me, and when I operate inside those values, I’m free to bring my whole self to the work. Only good things have happened since I figured out how to do that.
My business grew, I hired my first true employee, and people around me noticed something was different. They saw the confidence and energy. They detected I was changing how I operated.
Since starting this journey, I’ve moved away from the comfort and safety of what most real estate agents do, and it’s working out better than I could have imagined. I’ve stopped being weighed down by a “performance” mindset, and I now operate the business through a lens of developmental branding.
I don’t have it all figured out yet, and I know I still have miles to go and grow.
I also know I don’t have that nightmare anymore.
So I’m confident I’m on the right track.
